Scott and I have been on the precipice of financial ruin for the last 3 three year. Welcome to our world.
We were flooded with folks dropping into the Tasting Lounge to commiserate. Those moments were the highlight of this holiday season.
But I am not sure if it is easier or more difficult to maintain a positive attitude now that everyone else is in our boat. The emotional roller coaster of owning our own business has gone from highs and lows oscillating month to month to a daily ride. One hour we are on top of the world; the next, things seems bleak. We strive to maintain perspective, focus on the big picture, be thankful for what we have, live in The Now, all of that. Lately, it has become our mantra. Great on a macro level.
But let’s get real. On a micro level, the daily stress is suffocating. It is frustrating for us, as we are right in the range we predicted in our projections, falling between best case and worst case. Our sales are up almost 30% over last year. What is killing us right now? Debt servicing and cash flow.
So, yes, I confess, we do have high consumer debt – but allow me to defend myself. And frankly, it seems we do need to defend ourselves these days since the BIG BANKS are trying to deflect their questionable practices by blaming the little guy – we were apparently too greedy, too impatient, too materialistic. What about those of us who have been squeezed so tightly that we had to use credit cards to buy basic necessities? Groceries, gas, health care, etc.
Scott and I are absolutely, astoundingly in credit card debt. And no, we did not buy a boat or a flat screen TV, we used those credit cards for the business and for basic life stuff (and yes, I do mean groceries, health care, etc). Mr. Visa and Ms. MasterCard helped finance harvest one year and we are still paying it off. And we have been paying it, methodically, every month.
So why, then, did I just receive notice from THE BIG BANK that they would be increasing my interest rate? And they are a bank getting BILLIONS OF DOLLARS in bailout money from the government (read: the taxpayers). I guess they figure all us cardholders should pay, as word on the street is that they raised rates across the board – because they can.
All they’ve done now is increase my monthly minimum to them without allowing me to bring down my balance. And frankly, if it comes down to the choice between paying my credit card bill and buying food for my little boys, guess which one I am going to pick? What are they going to do, ding my credit rating? Knock yourselves out. I am a small business owner; my credit has been shot since we started this venture. My priorities are NOT about keeping big bank executives in their McMansions for the good of the American economy, but about keeping my family housed and healthy and keeping my business viable. Scott and I joke that we have almost a million dollars in “liquid assets” (the wine) that are anything but liquid. I wish there were a bank that would consider it as collateral, but while banks will foreclose on a house, they don’t want to be in the wine business (hmmm – maybe that should clue us in… haha).
What disgusts me even further is “they” can hide behind the twisted rationale that it is not personal, it’s “just business.” Why is it acceptable to excuse their practices as justifiable because it improves their “bottom line?”
And for that matter, why oh why are the 49ers wasting away the talents of Michael Robinson??? Next season, try the guy at quarterback!!!
Five great things that happened this year (we try to do this every night with the boys – it is very fun and a great way to get them to remember the good stuff).
- No more diapers at Chez Ratcliff! And yes, that includes Scott. haha
- My brother finally got his liver transplant. He is still in the hospital. His donor was a fellow who is in his church. That someone would risk their life is such a deliberate, contemplated way renews my faith in the human race.
- I got my faith back. And by that, I mean faith in Volcano Vineyards. At times this year, I was seriously doubting what we had gotten ourselves into and struggling with not knowing where the path was leading. I am still not sure, but I am now okay with not being sure. Everything in my life has turned out fine so far, especially when things didn’t go exactly as I wanted them to. I expect this, ultimately, to be the same.
- Scott and I saw The Police. I love, love, love Stewart Copeland. The best part is that we had two more nutso Stuart Copeland fans right in front of us and watching them be as excited as kids on Christmas morning made it that much more fun for me. And for anyone getting a bit judgee-wudgee on me, let me clarify that the concert was a complete surprise to me which Scott arranged on his own, paying for it by selling some of his most prized possessions, we brought our own food and after the show, we slept in our car. For the record, I love Miles Copeland, too. The man is a genius and I try to model our marketing and PR by his example. Yes, that will take some explaining and I will do so in another blog.
- Our 2005 Syrah won Best of Show at the National Women’s Wine Competition. The day we found out we had won was a very good day.
Looking ahead, we have great plans for 2009, exciting products to launch, great ideas, lots of hope and anticipation. I try to see the fun in navigating this challenging situation, how I can outsmart the circumstances. A great exercise in creativity, if nothing else.
When I was mulling over 2008 a few weeks ago, a friend asked why I couldn’t ‘start fresh’ right then and there, that very day (which was early December), why wait until New Year’s Day? Well, I see life as a process: change rarely happens in one day, so in effect, we are starting our new phase today and yesterday and next week. But my brain likes categories, it likes a start and a finish, it likes wholeness. If I can asses 2008 as a unit, put in a box, seal it up and stick it on the shelf, you bet I’ll do it. It’s a ritual, a sense of closure, a cleansing. Then I can glance back at it when I need to, but the dwelling in it is over. Venting is part of that as well. Thanks for reading my vent.
